Muggle Visiting
by Richal
Summary: I just made it PG to be safe.... Probably is only G. Anyways, Snape has to stay with some muggles while some death eaters are after him... What will happen is up to me! hehe!
1. Whatness?

Snape, Dumbledore, etc belong to JK Rowling. You know the drill.  
  
  
The Muggle visit  
Snape has to stay with a family of muggles for a few weeks. What will happen is up to me!  
MUAhAHAHA! OK I'm starting right off. The beginning is kinda serious and boring but I needed  
some kind of start.   
  
Ch. 1 Preparation  
  
There was a knock at Albus Dumbledore's door.   
"come in." he said kindly. He knew who  
it was of course. Severus Snape walked in, or rather, swooped in.   
"You called for me?" He asked.   
"Yes. I am sure you have heard of Nott being killed?"   
Snape nodded. Nott was one of the least expected to be killed by Voldemort.  
"Well since Lord Voldemort already suspects you, we believe you are in considerable danger.  
That is why we think it isn't a good idea for you to stay here, where Voldemort knows where  
you are."  
There was silence. Snape had not expected this at all. He may have expected a 'watch out'  
or a 'be careful.'but not this. Finally he spoke up.  
"Where do you want me to go?" He asked. Dumbledore gave the familiar eye twinkle. uh oh.  
Snape knew he was in trouble.   
  
Snape was busy packing his necessities.   
"They are family of Minerva's, and they live just outside muggle London." Dumbledore was   
helping Snape decide what to bring, or, according to Snape, watching him pack.   
"Wonderful."  
muttered Snape. He pictured a few people sitting at a table, all identical to Minerva. A bunch  
of old people who coudn't open their mouths wide enough to admit a raisin. He smiled at this   
thought. Yes, Snape can smile.  
"Well, I suppose I will leave you. Oh, I almost forgot, The information you will need-"  
Dumbledore handed him a note,  
"Is all here. And I don't think it is safe to take your wand. I can hold on to it for you."   
Snape looked at Albus like a child who's dog was being taken away.   
"No, not-my wand....." He cradled his precious wodden stick. Dumbledore took the wand  
and put it in his pocket, clapping Snape on the shoulder.  
" There there, you'll get used to it. Now, I really must be going. Good luck!" and with that  
he walked out of the room. Snape scowled. he wouldn't even be able to shrink his bags. He   
tore open the letter in disgust and unfolded the parchment. It read:  
Severus;  
Here is what you must know. They know that you are a wizard, as they are Minerva's relatives.  
You must apparate to the muggle door of the leaky cauldron at 6:00, they will be there to pick you up. They will  
have everything ready there for you. Do try to wear muggle clothing. A haircut or any other change   
in physical features would help keep you concealed from other death eaters. Again, good luck.  
  
  
Snape was even more disgusted. Cut his HAIR?! That would be totally unnecessary, he thought as he  
twirled a stray piece of hair. He liked his hair. Naturally silky. Yes, Silky, not SILTY. He sighed and  
changed into his only pair of muggle clothes, ready to apparate.  
  
*So??? moreness??? Yes? No? Should I always speak in question form? hehe- R&R pleaseness* 


	2. The Voyage

Snape, Dumbledore, etc belong to JK Rowling. You know That.  
THanks to those who reviewed me! Sorry, I kinda forgot to mention that they were muggles. My mistake.  
Does anyone have Ideas for how to change his appearance? tell me in a review, email whatever.  
If you notice any Americanish words im using, please tell me what you other guys use.  
  
Ch 2.  
Snape Looked around at the muggles, disgusted. This would be his lifestyle for the next few weeks. He  
looked around for any sight of Muggles. It was odd that any relative of McGonagall would be anything  
but punctual. Then again, he was 5 minutes early. He had no Idea as of how to change his appear-  
ance. Maybe if he...  
"Hello there you must be Severus!" Snape Jumped. A tall woman with short curled hair was  
adressing him. She looked somewhat like a Minerva, But Her mouth was definately wide enough to admit  
a raisin.   
"hello." He said painfully.   
"You must be tired from the ride, well, wait, nevermind that. You prolly flew in right? well, alright, do  
you have any bags? no? alright. Follwo me then!" The woman said cheerily. Snape followed,  
wondering how on earth they were going to get there. He had little experience with the muggle world,  
having grown up learning that muggles shouldn't be associated with. He gave any other muggles on the street  
evil glares if they dared look at him. Snape wasn't used to all this walking. Well, he was, but he felt  
like complaining to himself. God, all these muggles do is walk, walk, walk. Why don't they just....  
"Here it is!" That woman had a thing for startling Snape, Or maybe Snape had a thing for not   
being on his guard when not around Dumb (with a capital D) students.  
"Wonderful. Now what do you call this again? an, automobile?" He tried to sound smart.  
"Yes, you can call it that if you like." She said smiling. He felt rather put out. She opened the  
door for him and he got in casually. He'd only ridden in oner once as a small child. It smelled of   
rather old chocolate along with a scented pine tree hanging on a mirror in the front. These muggle devices  
were actually quite intriguing. No, they weren't, the thought, catching himself. He didn't want to get acclaimed  
to muggle, anything. He just wanted to sulk over a few potions. Maybe a pickle and Bologna sandwich.  
Then a horrible feeling of motion came over him, not the kind he was used to. He straightened in the   
seat. He didn't want to misuse the equipment, for who knew what these things could do without proper  
wizard testing?   
" You might want to buckle your seatbelt." The woman advised. Snape lifted his arms to see what she  
meant by, "seatbelt." There was a strap with half of a buckle on it. he pulled it gingerly. The strap  
stretched, and he pulled it as much as it would come out.   
"don't think you're going to need that much belt, there, Severus."   
That woman was starting to annoy him. She shouldn't be on a first name basis with him, either. Hmmm...  
"What did you say your name was again?" He asked irratably. She didn't seem to notice.  
"Penny. Penny Dingerland. You can just call me Penny." She beamed at him through the mirror.   
Snape Blinked, then pulled a little more on the strap. He suddenly understood. he pressed on a little  
metal square that said 'press.' Nothing happened. he pressed it again. Nothing. He suddenly attacked  
the square with his thumb.   
"you might want to try putting the buckle into the other half." He stopped pressing the square abruptly.  
He blinked.  
Then a dawn of realization came over him, and he inserted the buckle into the slit in the square. it clicked.  
He felt proud. Wait, no he didn't. Darn Muggle contraption.   
"We're there!" Chimed the woman. Snape scowled, pressing the little square. 


	3. of mustard and peppermint

Snape, Dumbledore, etc belong to JK Rowling. You know That.   
Thanks, besnaped! I might use that idea as well... We'll see.   
  
Ch.3  
Severus Snape listened as the, automobile, stopped making that whirring noise and rocked back   
and forth twice. He looked out the window to see what is an average sized, normal home. (For muggles  
that is) He looked at the door and found the handle right away, to his relief. he got out like a prince  
and walked up to the door. The house was white with red shutters. Hmph. Red. He about turned them  
green when he remembered that he didn't have his wand any more.   
"Here were are. Come in, come in! Don't worry about your shoes!" He wasn't about to. They were  
clean. Besides, they made him feel safe.The house smelled strongly of peppermint and mustard. There  
was an odd black box with a rounded glass on one side, and several knobs. There were only two book  
shelves in this room, as compared to the 6 in Snape's office and quarters. another odd, roundish box was  
sitting on a shelf with buttons and knobs, along with cardboard boxes reading things such as,'Wizard of Oz'  
and, 'Galaxy Quest.' perhaps they were some odd kind of book. There were many other curious, or, odd,   
black boxes of the sort. The woman scurried out again, this time with a teenage boy. He was wearing black   
robes, but had blue hair in 2 large spikes on his head. there were numerous piercings on his nose, ear,  
and eyebrows. he was wearing eye make up. (He could be described as gothic to a muggle)   
"This is Charles. Charles, say hello to our guest. Charles..." Charles blinked, then mirraculously spoke.  
"Hello. I like your robes. where did you get them?" He asked, obviously thinking Snape was one from   
his type of cult, or whatever he belonged to.  
"Er, it's out of town." Said Snape simply. "Where did you get those, ah, lovely metal hooks on your face?"  
"Huh?" Charles said intelligently. "Bed, Charles." That woman said in a high voice. "Come, Severus..."  
She said, beckoning for him to follow her. He followed reluctantly, simply wanting to sleep, or, do something  
that he was used to, even if these muggles were fascin- curious. The woman had led him into her bright  
yellow kitchen and was scurrying about like a house elf.   
"Hungry?" She asked.  
"No." he said, though he was very hungry. He could just conjur up someth- or not. Without a wand he   
was pretty helpless. It was one of those things that you don't realize how much you use it until it's gone.  
"Would you like me to show you to your room?" The woman asked, suddenly right next to him. He jumped  
for about the 10th time that day. He nodded.  
"Please." he said tiredly. She led the way out of the kitchen and through the, other room, to a set of stairs.  
She climbed quickly up the stairs, having used these stairs for years. Snape took walked up them a bit slowly,  
not used to the narrow and steep steps. He stumbled on several of them. She went right into a dark   
hallway painted green. Muggles sure use some unique colors. She beckoned to a door at the end of the   
narrow (everything seems to be narrow in this house doesn't it?) hallway, smiling broadly.  
"I hope your little visit will be comfortable here. If you want any food, it's in the pantry." He nodded and   
gave a brief smile. She scurried off, apparently late for something. Snape opened the door cautiously, as   
though expecting a dragon to be nesting inside. Fortuantely, there wasn't. Also fortunately, the colors of the  
room were of dark green like the hallway. He dropped onto the bed, and surprisingly, (to himself at least)  
he fell right asleep. 


	4. A day in the life of a muggle

Hey pplz thank you for my one or two reviews..... *sniff* i feel slightly loved now.... anyways, I have decided  
on an appearance changer, and it will occur in ch. 5.  
  
  
  
Ch.4 A day in the life of a muggle  
  
Snape suddenly felt the light from the window shining down on him. Horrible, horrible sun. He was   
already getting tired of pretending to ignore the interesting-no, odd- muggle quirks. wait... let me rephrase that   
for him... He was getting tired of the odd muggle quirks. Yes. That was how he felt. Definately. He sat up and   
realized that he had fallen asleep in his clothes, like usual. He stood and walked to the door, stiff from sleep.  
luckily, door handles worked the same way in the muggle world. He turned and pushed. Nothing. he turned the  
other way and tried again. He sneered as he tried to get the blasted door to work. he must have been making  
a lot of racket, for he heard footsteps and suddenly, the door opened. There stood a tired, confused and angry  
looking woman. It wasn't THE woman, it was a younger one. She had long dark hair and what must have been  
pajamas. Snape stared.   
"How did you do that?" he asked with as much pride as possible. She looked at him and sighed.  
"PULL. Not, PUSH." She said, shutting the door in his face. He blinked with surprise. *A/N- He blinked, for  
a change! wow, good job Snape!* Then he tried as the angry pajama girl had said. It worked! I mean, it  
worked. He stepped out casually and walked very carefully down the steps. Sitting at the table in the dining room  
were THE woman, Charles and PJ girl. She glowered at him. Charles Smiled and eyes his robes enviously. The  
Woman didn't notice him. He was too quiet. Hahaha. Ehem. Anyways. He sat down at the empty chair, and  
wondered why the PJ girl was so mad at him. Maybe-  
"Severus! You joined us for breakfast! how lovely! would you like some toast? Oh and have you met my   
daughter Erin?" Needless to say, she had scared him again, that devil-woman. Erin, as the PJ girl's name turned  
out to be, looked up from her cereal tiredly. Snape looked at THE woman, and back to Erin.   
"Briefly." He said. She guffawed as though that couldn't possibly be the truth. She straitened and turned to her  
mother.   
"Actually, He had a bit of trouble opening his door, and he was making such a racket that the neighbors probably   
heard it. I simply came to assist him as I couldn't possibly sleep through all the noise. But hey, it's already 8:30  
why shouldn't I be up?!" She said in a mad rage, throwing down her napkin and running up the stairs. Snape  
was dumbstruck. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. THE woman sighed.  
"OH it's probly my fault dear, I should've told you she was coming and that she is a total night owl. You'd think  
she hates the sun! She hardly ever gets up before noon, in fact she quit her last job because she had to wake up  
at nine o'clock. It was probably for the best though." The woman said, sighing again.  
"Hmm.." Snape said. He finished his toast and stood from his chair, but he didn't know where to go. He decided   
that he would just proceed to his room and finish one of the books he brought along. He climbed the stairs and   
walked in, not shutting the door because it embarassed him to even think about doors at the moment. He checked  
his only bag of luggage and found it right away. The book was called, 'Getting what you want by Timius Tounhound'  
It was actually quite interesting. He was going on an hour of reading when there was a knock on the partially opened  
door.   
"Can I come in?" said a timid voice. He set down the book and opened the door. There was the Erin girl, looking  
apologetic. He surpressed a smirk. He knew what the muggle girl was going to say.  
"Yes?" He asked casually. She looked at him, now appearing more confident.  
"I just wanted to apologise for my, behavior, earlier this morning, I just, really hate mornings, so, umm, I think we should  
start over. Hello, My name is Erin." She said, holding out her hand. Snape looked at it. Under normal circumstances,  
he wouldn't have done anything, he might have walked away or said some smart remark, but these were no normal  
circumstances, and this was no ordinary muggle. So against his own will, he shook her hand with a small smile.  
"Severus Snape."  
  
___________________________________________  
  
Well kind of a not funny chapter but hey you have to have a few for plot necessities.... or maybe just one.   
get ready for appearance changes! wooowhoo! please R/R!!!! I'll be writing soon!  
Richal*?vsíO6+öÄù•Y+§{º±+·? heh heh, sorry i was havin fun with the alt and number buttons! 


	5. The Erin and Snape Expedition oh&Charles

okie dokie then, here is Chapter five, ready and willing! hope to have more excitement here! Might even be longer than my usual short chapters!  
  
previously......(do ya like how i'm making this look like a serious fic?)  
Under normal circumstances,  
he wouldn't have done anything, he might have walked away or said some smart remark, but these were no normal  
circumstances, and this was no ordinary muggle. So against his own will, he shook her hand with a small smile.  
"Severus Snape."  
  
Ch 5 The Erin and Snape expedition (Oh and Charles, he was there too.)  
  
She smiled, relieved that he didn't just shut the door in her face. Her dark brown hair framed her face beautifully, thought Snape. Er, for a muggle that is.... he added as an afterthought.  
"Listen, my mum told me about how you're a, wizard, or whatever, and i don't really believe in that kind of thing, no  
offense or anything, so i wondered if you wanted to come into town with Charles and I, he says he needs some new earrings, and, you know, buy some clothes?" She was looking at him and his robes aprehensively. Hmph. She doesn't 'believe' in magic. Well, she will when she sees it. But he did forget to change into only set of muggle clothing today, and it might be -educational- to go into their shops.   
"Alright. I'll be right down." he said. She smiled and walked down the stairs. Then with a jolt of realization, he remembered what Dumbledore had said in the note: 'A haircut or any other change in physical features would help keep you concealed.' He also remembered a comment Minerva had made to him a few weeks ago: "You know, short hair is much more sensible, Severus.... not to mention stylish...." He scowled at the thought of getting his hair chopped off by a muggle. But then he thought to Erin, and what she would think about it. He slapped himself mentally, thinking of what his mother would say about his thoughts. 'Severus, pull yourself together, a muggle? that's the best you can do?' she would say. 'Really, Sev, I mean, what about that Gryffindor Lily Evans? What ever happened to her?' his brother would say. Then he would hit his brother and run from his mother for hitting his brother. That was life for Severus Snape back in the days. Suddenly he realized what he was doing and opened his suitcase to find his muggle clothes. he changed quickly and came down the steps to the door, where Charles and Erin were waiting.  
"ready?" she asked him. Charles had put on a long, black coat, *A/N like in the matrix!* and Erin had on hers too.  
Snape had only brought a cloak, and he was pretty sure that it wouldn't look very muggle-like to wear it. He could just brave the cold. They opened the door and walked over to a little beaten up-car, thing, which wasn't there yesterday. A cold wind brushed upwards, making him shiver. He should've just brought the stupid cloak.....  
Pretty soon, though, they had gotten into the little car and peeled out of the driveway, Snape in the front and Charles in the back. Now he was forced to deal once again with the bloody seatbelt. Unfortunately, Erin was a very reckless driver, and he had trouble staying in one spot long enough to buckle the thing. finally, she reached a sign that read, "STOP" and she had obeyed it, thank God. In that short amount of time he had been able to buckle it and could lay back and relax for .038924 seconds. But after his mini holiday from the car in motion, he had returned and was now flat back against the seat from the sudden burst of speed. He gripped the sides of the seat nervously. She noticed this action and laughed.  
"Scared?" She asked. Snape glared at her. She laughed again, and went faster. There was a loud Honking noise behind him and Snape turned quickly to see where it had come from. The only moving object behind them was an old man in a van. It didn't seem likely that this was the source, though. He turned to the front in time to see a few buildings that read such things as, "Pizza Hut" and had signs in the windows with food on them. He had no idea what pizza hut was, but it sounded like some sort of foreign food, which Snape usually had no fancy for. Suddenly the car lurched to the left, along with its passengers, down a different road with more buildings. Then, as soon he was over the turning motion, they turned again and stopped. He sighed with relief. She turned to him and asked, "First time in a car?"   
"Just with you." he replied scornfully. She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, forgot to mention that I was one of those drivers. Oh well, I'm pretty new to it, anyways. Our first stop is one of Charlie's places, what's it called again?" She asked, turning to Charles. He smiled.  
"Hasn't got a name. They haven't decided on one yet." He said. Erin looked nervous about this.  
"Yes... well, we'll see what it's like..." Snape wondered what she meant by that. They walked into a small shop and he knew why in an instant. There was some sort of screaming music playing and in the clothing in the store were pictures of skulls and odd sorts of things. Colored lights that could give a person seizures were on the walls, and Snape had to restrain himself from pretending to have a seizure just so he could leave the wretched place. The man at the counter had an appearance similar to Charles, but much more extreme with percings and other forms of voluntary torture. He looked like a zombie from the cover of a book Snape had read as a child, only more freakish. But Charles wasn't the least bit scared of the zombie person, for he greeted him with a smile. Surprisingly, so did the zombie person.  
"Hey Char." The thing said.  
"Hey Kevin," Charles said, which must've been the thing's name. "Listen, i was wondering if you had any of those hooks left? I lost my other one." The- er, Kevin, reached under the disgusting counter and pulled out something in a translucent glossy box, the material of it Snape was sure he had seen once before.   
"Thanks, oh, and would you happen to have anything for my friend Severus here?" said Charles, beckoning for Snape to step forward. He did so, reluctantly. Kevin looked at him, a thoughtful frown on his face. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and a smile broke over his half-metal face.   
"I know just what you need! Be back in a Jiff." He said, lurking over to a scratched up door and disappearing behind it. Erin turned to her brother.  
"Charles..." She said, trying to hide her despair. He looked at her innocently. "Whhhat do you think he's bringing out? You don't reckon it's a...." Charles shrugged.  
"Who knows with Kevin? Could be anything from a t-shirt to a tatoo." Erin stared at Charles. Snape cleared his throat.  
"Excuse me, but, what is a tatoo?" He asked. They looked at him as though her were a very strange creature.  
"You should know, you have one on your arm." His eyes widened in shock as he looked at forearm. It was glimpsing from his clothes, glowing slightly black. He looked at the two of them with some difficulty, and pointed to his arm.  
"This," he said quietly, "is not a, tatoo, of what you speak." There eyebrows lowered in confusion.  
"Well then, what do you call it?" Asked Erin slowly.  
"Here we are, the perfect addition to your wardrobe." Kevin said, playing his part as the salesman. He was holding in his hands a black leather trenchcoat much similar to Charles'. Snape looked at it carefully, then took it from Kevin and put it on. It fit comfortably, and Erin looked relieved that Kevin hadn't brought a needle from the filthy doored room. She pulled the tag hanging from the sleeve, along with Snape's arm, towards her for a better read. Her eyes widened when she saw what it was priced.  
"Ehehm, I think it's a bit pricy..." She said to Kevin. He looked around as though checking for spies.  
"Well, ah, yes, it is, but you see, i think i could knock it down a bit." He took a black stick thing out of his pocket and pretended to write with it on the tag. Wait- he did write on it! Well, hmm. Odd sort of quill. But anyways, Erin looked at this new price and a mischevious grin spread over her face. She held out her hand.  
"Kevin, you have a deal." He shook her hand, and she gave him the proper amount in muggle money. Snape thought it strange how muggles used paper money, it seemed like more of a hassle than a good sturdy coin. but he shrugged this off as he thanked them as he put on his new coat. They stepped out into the cold, Snape being glad he had something to warm his coldness. They crawled back into the little car and zoomed out of their parking space. Soon they had veered into a new parking spot and swung to a stop. They were at a tall tan building with a blue sign stating that it was 'The Gap'. Erin grinned mischeviously at Snape, who looked at her suspiciously.  
"What? It's not a... Women's store?" He asked with a grimace. She shook her head gently and smiled.  
"No, no no... Don't fret." She said as then walked up to the entrance of the intimidating building. Inside it smelled strongly of a sort of potion used to ward off warts. Of course, not that he had ever used it, but he had smelled it enough times to know.  
There were racks upon racks of clothing, standing in the middle of the building and on the walls. There were pictures on the wall. still, pictures, of muggles in the store's clothes. This was interesting to look at since he was used to them smiling or scowling or running away screaming, Mostly the latter. But the most intruguing thing to him was the two sets of metal stairs that were moving, one up and one down. The steps appeared from out of nowhere and disappeared in the same way. He stared at these stairs (or were they stairs?) and tried to figure out how they worked. Erin was scanning the first floor boredly to see if there was anything to offer. There wasn't. apparently, everything was- upstairs. She was going to have to lead him up the escalator, which probably would be quite fun.   
"Severus?" She said sharply. He snapped out of his trance and looked at her as though she was a student answering a question. She looked back confidently.  
"We have to go up the escalator." She told him like a mother to her son on his first day of preschool.  
"Obviously." He sneered, looking around at the horriblly bright colors. She ignored this and walked briskly towards the escalator. He followed her to where she stood at the elge of the moving platforms. They were whirring unpleasantly. She directed him to stand closer to the evil..... thing. He did so.  
"lust step onto one of the steps now. Go on! and stay on one until you get to the top and just step off. simple as that." Unfortunately it wasn't as simple as that. The steps were moving to fast. He tried several times but he would only have one foot on when the step would start to move up. He growled in frustration.   
"Excuse me young man, are you going up?"   
Snape turned to see a little old lady in green with huge glasses that reminded him of Trelawney's. He stepped out of the way politely. She smiled at him and got on one of those bloody steps as easy as pie. Erin held back laughs. He stepped back from it, preparing to leap for it. But again he lost courage, halfway through his jump. He ended up doing a rather long hop and he landed on a step. He swayed to keep his balance, gripping the rubbery rail, which was moving in unison with the stair. Erin and a reluctant Charles followed him. He had a death grip on the railing, for he feared the end of the ride where he would probably fall off. he scowled internally imagining if any of his students could see him now...  
Suddenly he realized that he wasn't moving. he was off of the stair, at the very edge, and the railing was gone too. He straightened up and moved out of the way of the irate muggles who wanted to purchase clothing.   
Erin and Charles gave him appraising looks. He turned on his heel to observe the racks of clothing. On the walls there were mostly muggle men. I needn't mention that they were inanimate. He approached a rack and looked at the clothing impatiently, sure that he wasn't going to find anything worth purchasing. He grimaced at a garish orange striped shirt and moved hastly to the next rack.  
Finally he found a shirt that might be worth spending money on. It was a black button-down cotton with white cuffs and collar. The problem was that he was sure it would be too small. Erin approached him cautiously, carefully concealing a stack of clothes for him to try. He sneered at the shirt in disgust, almost trying to will it to fit him properly. She coughed to switch his attention to herself. He looked up, sneering a bit less viciously.   
"Do you know what size you wear?" She asked, looking at him, then at the shirt, and then him again.  
"No, I don't and yes, I know it won't fit." he said holding up the shirt to his chest.  
"Where did you get it?"   
He gestured toward part of the rack they were next to. She looked through the clothing in the same impatient way, checking the tags on them. after a few minutes of scanning the shirts she took one carefully off the rack and held it up to him. It was about the same size as the last one. She nodded and handed it to him, taking the first one.   
"Here. Try these on." She thrust her selection into his hands and walked away briskly before he could push them back. He looked at the clothes, speechless. They were apallingly bright colored shirts and pants. To his horror, the disgusting orange shirt was in the selection. He looked around for the mad(ly beautiful) muggle-ehem, the muggle. who was nowhere in sight. But upon scanning the room he did happen to see a room entitled 'fitting room.' He approaced it cautiously and entered. Inside the brightly lit room, there were wide stalls for changing. hesitantly, he bent lower to see of there were feet under the door he was considering. Since there weren't, he tried opening the door. It was locked from the inside. He did the same with another door but the same was also true. He guessed he would just have to wait for one of the muggles to come out so that he could start his journey through clothes - shopping. He sat and pondered life as he waited. He wondered why he-  
"Wanting to change sir?" A hyperactive looking girl with pigltails asked. Most shockingly, he only shuddered with surprise. But he did jump with surprise when he looked closer and realized that the hyper thing was actually a man. He was wearing fishnet nylons and a short skirt which made Snape want to give his breakfast to the outside world again.   
"Sir?" asked the manwoman. Snape gulped and nodded nervously, hoping that the frightful thing wouldn't touch him.  
"Right this way!" It said with a toothy grin, walking gayly towards an empty stall Snape had attempted earlier. It fumbled with a key, then pushed it in the door and pulled it open. Snape walked in, not daring to look at 'It'.  
I wish that I could tell you that his shopping expedition was successful. I wish I could tell you that he walked out of that store with 5 shopping bags with pictures of inanimate muggles on them. I wish I could give you more than one positive outcome of the trip, but I can't say any of these things. The only positive thing about the whole trip was one new pair of muggle clothes, if you could consider that positive. Snape thought the whole situation was ludicrous; muggles who were.... Well, you know. Muggle clothing itsself was ridiculous looking, he felt like a fool standing there with his paper bag reading "Gap." What was that supposed to mean anyway? Gap? He imagined a muggle falling through a gap in the floor, then another muggle pointing and saying, "That's it! The Gap!" He tried removing this random image from his head as he stumbled onto the escalator. He was now to journey to what the muggles called a salon, which must be another clothing shop.... Or something of that sort.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
Ok I'm kinda type hyper! as you might be able to tell....... I can't even make proper sentences!! * Type hyper: I'm hyper through the keyboard, not as in jumping around the room singing "im a giant tequila banana pickle." but as in typing, "im a giant tequila banana pickle." Yes yes.... I am sorry if there are cultural errors but NOBODY helped me out with that little problem.... *glares at the readers of her story, who whistle and pretend that they didn't read my HELP ME notice* Oh well that's not my problem! hope it was ok anyways. tootles!  
Richalness* 


	6. Dun Dun DUNNNNN! presto changeo!

Well Here we are at the Salon, getting a fixing-up for Snapey. Hmm, I wonder what will happen. I need a beta reader, I've never used one but hey I could start if I had a volunteer... *seems to recall hearing that line somewhere* ah, Potter, Weasley, how about you? *Snape hears his line approaching* Weasley's wand causes devestation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox. Might I suggest blah blah blah blah noboby reads this.... Disclaimer I don't own the people alright on with the story.   
  
Previously on Joe Millionaire...... Or no wait..... Snape Muggleaire.... No, wait..... Erm nevermind not funny:  
He was now to journey to what the muggles called a salon, which must be another clothing shop.... Or something of that sort.  
(you can tell I started this chapter a really long time ago, Joe Millionare? *shakes head at her own stupidity*)   
Chapter 6 The Salon  
  
Ding ding. (that's the noise a bell makes right?) Erin Opened a wooden door, Snape right behind. Inside were chairs and mirrors and shiny things. It looked like a torture chamber.  
"What exactly-" Snape started to ask.  
"Salon, or Barber shop, whatever you wish to call it." Said Erin, trying to find someone to help them. Snape waited for her to explain more, but she didn't so he urged her on.  
"And that means....." he said, twirling his hands slowly back and forth. She looked up from something that she was reading, looking bewilderedly around.  
"What..? Oh of course. You told me you were thinking of getting a hair cut? I thought that was your incentive for me to take you to get it cut." She said raising and lowering her eyebrows. Snape's lips tightened. Now he would have to get it done. Charles looked at him with pity. He hadn't said so, but Charles thought Snape's hair was rocking. Yes, Rocking. Indeed, Snape thought so too. Not Erin. Personally, she thought it to be grostesque. Oh well, thought Snape. It'll grow back... eventually. If Erin thought it was more muggle like, then he would do it. Charles..... Well, he didn't really count. He was some sort of half muggle. Soon Snape was being ushered to one of the torture chairs, struggling to free his wrist from the scary woman with hair that looked like a giant mushroom. He felt like he was on a new planet, everything was..... Well, new. To him it was, he felt like a complete idiot for one of the first times in his life. He finally understood the mind of a *gasp* muggle-born.  
"Now, what will it be today?" Mushroom woman asked. Snape was speechless.   
"Something low maintenance, much, much shorter." Erin said. Snape scowled. "But not too short." she added, after seeing the look on Snape's face.  
"Very well. Right, tilt your head back love. Thaaats it." He glared at the oblivious woman as she turned on the water in the sink that his head now was resting in. she gave him a bit of a fright as the scalding water his his head, but it became soothing and somehow.... No. It was a horribly.... calming, experience. The mushroom woman took a green bottle from the shelf next to him. For a wild moment Snape thought it was a wiggenweld potion... But it was only this soap balderdash called, "Shampoo." What a strange name. To his horror she lathered it up and.....(are you ready for this?) started washing his hair with it! His eyes widened as he tried desperately to think of a plan out of this mess. the only thing he got, though, was a lot of shampoo in his eye. It burned like the cruciatus in his face as rubbed them furiously.   
"Shampoo in your eyes dear? Here-" Mushroom lady handed him a tiny towel soaked in water to clean it out. This helped about as much as a skunk helps to make the highway a cleaner place. It did succeed, however, in drenching the front of his shirt as he sqeezed it furiously. he growled and threw it on the ground. Erin and Charles were in the corner doubled over in silent laughter. Sympathetically, Erin picked up the washcloth and re-soaked it. she rung it out slightly and handed it back him. Snape felt himiliated to be sitting there, drenched from head to, well, elbow, and being served by muggles. He took the cloth and rubbbed his eyes with it, trying to get into the corners.   
"Alright, let's move on to this chair..." said mushroom woman. Snape sat up and stalked reluctantly to where she was standing. In her hands was a grey something that looked like a cloak. It most certainly was not, though. it was made of a noisy material and wasn't worn the same way, he found as the woman placed it around his neck, (cutting off his supply of air by doing this) and closing it with a snap. She now took a comb and began to work. As I'm sure that most of you have gotten a haircut in a salon, I'll skip the little details.   
Soon the haircut was over and done with. She had set his head on fire with a device that blew fire-air but dried it quickly.   
"Alright. How do you like it?" Mushroom Lady asked. He looked in the mirror to ponder this question. His hair was indeed, much shorter, but not too short. Unfortunately, it reminded him of the Potter look, but more neat. It was not his old hair, though, so he scowled.   
"Simply, awesome." he said. The woman's giggles filled the air unpleasantly. He winced at the sound. She reached to unbutton the cloakish thing, but Snape held up a hand. His hands flew back and felt around to discover that he had no clue how to open it. He pulled with great force at the back of it, and it broke apart with a snappish-pop. *hey I didn't know how to describe it!* He tugged it off and handed it to the woman as though it were a prize winning science- er,- potions project. She exchanged looks with her colleague about this odd character in their salon. Erin smiled broadly as she looked at this new style. Charles looked at him with pity. Snape scowled and said, "Well I suppose that cost money to do... I can't really imagine why, but I'm sure it did...." Erin gave him a 'don't go there' sort of look, then paid the mushroom woman. Finally, they were out of the 'Salon.' Whatever was next, Snape could only guess.  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
OK so that was interesting... Just wait till you see what they do when at home! heh heh heh.... ok so it isn't anything cliff hangable, but hey. Review because I need reviews to live. 


	7. snape &a moving picture box

Yay! I actually got a few reviews! they are much appreciated, having kept me enough alive to write this. *cough hack recovering* Any reviews with criticisms are fine by me. eeee am I obsessed with reviews or what? crazy me.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Finally, they were out of the 'Salon.' Whatever was next, Snape could only guess.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The three of them piled ungracefully into the tiny car. Charles gave a hearty sigh as he plopped down in the back. Snape fell into his torn upholstered seat, closing his eyes in grief. Charles ruffled Snape's new haircut. The migrane that was threatening to hurt, began to hurt. Erin gave her brother one of those looks. They peeled out of the spot and went roaring their way down the road. Snape had the sudden urge to vomit and, oddly enough, the urge to kill Erin at the same time. Erin looked at him nervously, noticing he looked rather sick. She dropped her speed to 5 kilometers over the limit. She took an easy turn into a lot for parking and, wouldn't you know it, she parked! Between two thick lines painted on the artificial black ground. Snape supposed that was the purpose of those lines, but one never knew with she-who-disobeys-the-law. Erin and Charles unbuckled their seatbelts.  
  
"We'll be right back, unless you'd like to come in...?" Erin asked. Snape imagined what Dumbledore would say if he were in the Vehicle. 'You know, Severus, It's always good to pick up knowledge on muggles, you never know when it could come into use...' Snape's headache then gave a little sign that it was still there, and that any strenuous activity with muggles could seriously injure him.   
  
"I think I'll stay here..." he said, wincing.   
  
"Headache?" She asked, looking concerned.   
  
"I'll be fine," he replied curtly. Erin Shrugged. "Suit yourself. Come on, Charlie." The two of them walked up a set of stairs and into the building. Snape leaned back, but the seat suddenly gave way. The whole upright part of it was now almost completely horizontal. He tried to fix it haphazardly by pulling it into normal position, but it simply dropped back to it's broken position. He scoffed at the inept muggle product. "Hell with it then!" he shouted at the chair. A nearby muggle woman looked at him patronisingly. He rolled his eyes and layed back in the new reclining chair. After several minutes of listening to himself breathe, it was apparent that they would be quite a while. He sat up quickly, touching his new haircut gingerly. It made his head feel lighter somehow. That was probably because it was free of grease and the excess hair. He looked into the little oval mirror that protruded from the window in the front of the car. It really wasn't that bad, he thought to himself. He silently had agreed with himself to stop fighting muggles and start accepting their ways. Scary, I know. It was, of course, against all he had been taught by his mother, father, and, of course, his older brothers. It did no good to deny the truth, though.   
  
"Miss us?" said an overly-happy female. Charles raised his eyebrows and grinned. Snape looked at him calculatingly. Was this boy trying to insinuate something? Snape tore his thoughtful glare from Charles and opened the door.  
  
*************************************  
  
Erin turned off the car thingy. One elegant hand swept her hair- wait a minute, this isn't a romance novel here, change that- She pulled her long dark hair back as she opened her door, then stood outside it, as though waiting for Snape to do something.   
  
"What is it? Something wrong?" She finally asked. Snape realized he must have been staring at her. He would play stupid, a game his students played so very well.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked her convincingly. She shook her head. "Nothing, nothing, it.... well, nevermind. don't let the bugs into my car, come on, Charlie!" Snape smiled inwardly. He would have to play the stupid card more often. He unbuckled his seatbelt with ease. "Ha!" he said, waving a taunting finger at the strap. The strap was hurt deeply by his taunt of evilness. Actually, it wasn't. Snape walked into the house, closing the door quietly. The woman turned her ridiculously large-haired head towards him, smiling broadly like he was a part of the family alrea- ahem, part of the family.   
  
"Welcome back! So.... What did you find? Is that what you bought him? I hear you broke the seat! Well, don't worry, Charles can fix that! Well? Going to watch the film with us?" Snape took 5 seconds to try to process that very large statement/question that the woman had just said, but gave it up, forced a small smile and approached their general area. On the large black box that he had taken notice of before there seemed to be a moving picture. He had remembered hearing of this before but he wouldn't be able to name it to save his life.  
  
"It might be better if you sat down," said Charles. It was totally coincidental that Charles had chosen to sit in the single chair and leave an empty spot on the love seat next to Erin for Snape to sit next to. Snape Threw a look at Charles, who grinned beneath his bony fingers which covered most of his thin mouth. Snape sat down on the, ahem, sofa. Erin looked at her brother suspiciously, then quickly switched her look to Snape. He raised an eyebrow to show that he didn't know why Charles was smiling in such a way to cause a ruckus. The woman, of course, didn't notice. She was too enthralled in the film. On top of the black box there was a rectangular box thing, and on the side it read, 'Sense and Sensibility.' Snape rolled his eyes. Like muggles would ever learn sense and sensibility just by watching moving pictures come from a box. He watched the people. It was quite boring. He rest his chin in his hands and started to zone out a bit as a man (with a striking resemblence to himself) walked into a house and gave a woman a bundle of flowers. Apparently, the sense the 'film' was trying to teach was that women don't appreciate flowers after they've hurt their ankles, as the woman had done previously. Snape decided he would put that in his pocket and ponder it later. Meanwhile, Charles was also becoming restless.   
  
"Mum, do I have to watch this? It's kind of dull and.... you know, womanly," complained Charles, looking as though he was ready to jump off his seat at any moment. The woman sighed.   
  
"All right, I suppose we can always watch it later if there's something a little less 'womanly' that you'd rather watch," came her reply, gesturing to the shelf of other boxes that looked like the one atop the box. Charles got up merrily and pressed something on yet another smaller, blackish box. The film stopped abruptly and a new picture was now on the screen. Snape and Erin both stood at the same time, turning in opposite directions. He climbed the stairs to his chambers and closed the door quietly. He didn't think anyone noticed that he was gone from his seat yet. He took out another of the various books he had brought, but decided he wasn't much in the mood for 'Occlumency: how it works' at the moment. He threw the book back into his trunk. He didn't want to imagine the wizarding word while, at the moment, he was stuck in the muggle one. His only consolation was currently knocking at his door.  
  
"S-Severus?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
aaaaaannndddd yeah thats all i have to say about that. tell me what u think should happen in ur reviews, cuz i want to make you guys happy! :) puleeez review, and don't lie to me. please. thanks. *cattle prods random lyer* 


End file.
